News Writing Examples

Good story, terrible news writing:

“Nine people were killed in Karachi, including a police officer who was shot, as demonstrations provided cover for arsonists and looters who attacked shops and restaurants.”

Does it particularly matter whether the officer was shot or mauled? It’s a tragedy, leave it at that. And, is it unusual for looters to attack shops and restaurants? I mean, are we distinguishing between these looters and the “other” looters, who were attacking everything EXCEPT shops and restaurants? Were the demonstrator “protecting” the looters not themselves looters?

How about…

“Demonstrators looted in Karachi, killing nine people, including a police officer.”

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