About two weeks ago, I hit a point of trust with the Lord. Most of my life has centered on trying to overcome the next hurtle. “If I can just get past this problem, then everything will be okay,” I’d always think to myself. But every sea I walk through leads to another challenge, bigger each time. As I age, now at the decrepit and elderly point of wisdom of 33 years old—and as I always think of myself as being more wise now than I will be the very next year—I’m facing the hard reality:
Challenges with need for trusting God only get bigger; those challenges will only seem smaller if my trust grows faster.
That’s not easy, ya know.
At any moment, everything can be taken away. It’s easy to get money in the bank so we can forget that God provides our daily bread. But I don’t want to forget that. I don’t want to get fat like so many do when they forget their Source. So, the biggest challenge I face isn’t the one in front of me at the moment; it’s the challenge in my heart.
My victories are not about the physical obstacles of the hour, but my need to remember who helps me each millisecond of every second. Frankly, I can’t have that victory by reading enough books nor by listening to enough sermons nor by attending enough smallgroup meetings. I can only have that victory by spending time in prayer with my Helper.
So, sorry Churchianity, I don’t know how to say this, but I just don’t love you anymore. You see, I need my faith to grow and you’re just too small. And you’re a bureaucracy that changes slower than the challenges, and I need someone faster than you. I want to hear Jesus, but you never stop talking. I’ve come to love Jesus a lot and, as far as that goes, you’re just “in the way”.